Atonement: Part Seis

Atonement is a hard pill to swallow!

No matter who you are, or what you've done against others; one thing is for sure...YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.

I am currently in the Rocky Mountains. It was a beautiful sight to see flying in, more magical as I drove to my destination and most likely unbelievable if I happen to make it to the base of one of these monstrous behemoths. I'm not sure which mountain range that the song, "Home, Home on the Range", was referring to; but it could have easily been the Rockies.

I find myself in quite the quandary today. Apologies are tough. Contemplating about making apologies is tough; and the delivery is sometimes earth-shattering. That lump in your throat will eventually be removed in the process, but the process from start to finish seems unbearable at times. So, without doubt, I am in a place with a heavy heart today.

Perhaps the worst part in "atone-ning", is the thought that a valiant effort; no matter how good, will not restore things to what they once were. Can you at some point in the future repay the debt. Can that relationship REALLY be repaired. Why is it, that swallowing your pride and simply saying, "I'm sorry", really that hard?

Mostly, I think it has to do with fear. We can essentially "lay our cards" on the table; for everyone to see, and in the end it matters not. Trust has been lost, trust can not be restored, "game over." There are no more innings to be played, you will not pass "GO" and collect $200 and there is NO "Get out of Jail Free Card." Damage that you hoped would be repairable, is just not so.

The Bible explains that we should forgive. The hardest and most important part in the process of forgiveness is the act of "forgetting the foul." The one who has been hurt, has to replace the hurt, forget it, and place it so far in the subconscious mind; never to be recoverable. The "delete" button has been hit, and the evidence of your impartial and "wrong" thoughts or deeds must give way to the clouds...disappearing in space, unrecoverable.

Since we are all human, this, in and of itself; is almost an insurmountable act. In my humble opinion; and I do mean humble, women have a tendency to forget; with the "possibility of recovery." The offense may have went into the "spam" folder, but it is able to be plucked and used against you if even a possibility exists, that a future or similar offense would justify bringing the old act to the forefront.

Men are better at sweeping things "under the rug" so-to-speak, but we are also human. My point is that we HAVE to first forget, before we can TRULY FORGIVE.

It additionally comes with a cost. In many instances there is a hefty price attached to that "act" of forgiveness. And the process could take hours, days, months, years, and in some instances decades, or multiples, thereof.

Seemingly, apologies should be easy to muster and deliver. We do not, normally, intend to hurt others; at least not in a malicious manner, and certainly not in a harmful way that causes deep, emotional pain. So while the process should be second nature:  Offense, Apology; it is often not something we are willing to offer (the apology) because of the HUGE fear of rejection by the other party.

There are additionally "levels of authority" which can make said apologies a little, or a lot, tougher to deliver. Apologizing to the neighbor for kicking the football in the yard next door, is not even in the same stadium as offending your colleague, friend, girlfriend, significant other, fiancé, wife or fifty or even sixty-year marriage marriage companion. After all, shouldn't we have developed an natural acquaintance, informal, formal or bonded relationship that allows us to inherently know "right" from "wrong?"

I guess this is where the problem; getting to the root of our offense, that makes the offense seem "larger than life"; and the act of apologizing the same as "death." I'm not sure about you, but a death sentence, on any level and under any circumstances is not a welcome thought.

This process from start, offense; to finish, apology; may seem as something that is more insurmountable that Mt. Everest itself, but it is ABSOLUTELY necessary to restore some sense of emotional health in your own life; hopefully, with time, having long-lasting effects.

Apologies are necessary. Committing acts that require an apology, can be avoided.

The next time you think you may be in a position to even begin to "toe the line"; in the proverbial soccer or volleyball analogy, "Tread carefully, young Grasshopper!" You will be glad you followed the process of thinking, before speaking; refraining, before doing.