It was suggested by my future "editor", that I revise a few chapters in my first series on Integrity; but by and large, that would take away from, or hide my true feelings at the time. I certainly lost some ground with respect to a friendship, and what I hoped would become more than, but I got scared. Events that were slated to happen caused fear in me to the "point of no return", which what I had envisioned as my last chance at a great and lasting LOVE!
So with that being said, I want to offer, and begin a series on "Atonement."
Atonement in it's purest form is asking for forgiveness, promising to return to a place that was once eclipsed and being "incredibly sorry" in the process. The problem, inherently, is that the process is an uphill battle and climb back to the crest of the wave that was once obtained. That particular battle, is one that I hope, with faith and trust by the other party, that I know I will be able to reach the top of the mountain; but the climb may seem like reaching the top of Mt. Everest. Despite this fact, I am willing and able to reach that mountain top, and will accept no other option but success in the process.
Atonement to me also means a repayment for sins. We all have "skeletons in the closet" that are sometimes not evident to others, but they rear-up their ugly heads like monsters. The come out of the proverbial closet when we least expect it, and are sometimes shown to others, who get hurt in the process. Sometimes badly!
I have never meant to make anyone cry anything but happy tears, as I say affectionately that I was given my Grandfather's heart. An incredible man of faith, he always strived, and managed, to do more for others than himself. He would butter everybody's bread at the kitchen table. He was the last one to do for himself, and never sacrificed anything for personal gain. He, too, had an in-explainable amount of integrity. And while there was not much that he would have EVER had to atone for, there were periods, and times in his life that he felt less than giving, or showing the full amount of his unconditional LOVE for others; not himself. He sacrificed much for me especially, and for countless others, to the point of the exact opposite of self-love. He had few regrets, and that is something that I have always strived for myself. I have few, and would like not to ever increase that number.
Especially in relationships, I try to embody the example set for me by him. Him, also being the Father of the Universe, and the one that died for me, and all that would accept his offer of grace; if only one would ask, believe, atone and accept Him as a person that they want to build a lasting relationship with, it is the one and TRUE God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit; the Trinity, that I have placed my unwavering faith in.
I have found a new church in Belmont, North Carolina. I visited for the first time this last Sunday, October 30, 2016. I was SO moved by the Holy Spirit that I cried thru the entire service, beginning with the praise and worship part of the service. At the same time, I had my best friend in the Charlotte area, and quite possibly the entire world at this point, praying in unison to God for me, at another church.
We have been praying for favour to reach me in a might way. One that is only explainable as coming from God, Himself. We are praying for the grace of God to rain down on me like the six-month spans that happen in Vietnam, and other places. And as for difficulties in the storm, I am determined to let the rain "roll of by back", like water on a duck's ass. While quite bold to say, I hold nothing back these days, which has grown in me as a part of my process toward maturity, at an age of nearly forty, which I will reach on March 7, 2016.
I was talking with my cousin John, last evening, and we both agreed that at the ripe old ages of thirty-nine and forty-three, that we did not envision or think that we would be at the exact places that we are today, with respect to life. It is sometimes the comparison to others in your cohort of friends and family; the one's who seem to be stable and "have it all together", that cause us to pause in reflection, to our own detriment.
While there is room for ALL of us to make mistakes, the mistakes that we have made collectively, have been painful; in a long-lasting way, and we are still paying the price for our indiscretions. In my case, the largest is with respect to my personal finances. Coming fro the point of prior experience and employment as a financial advisor, you, or one may think that personal finances is NOT an area that I would struggle with after nearly eighteen years in the business. Wealth Management, Insurance and Banking, have all made an appearance in my career. And I am no farther along than I was at twenty-three years old, when I had only a cell phone payment and a decent job with a good salary. Oh, to go back to that place. However, truly, I would not be where I am now without those missteps. I pray, wholeheartedly, that I have MORE than learned from those experiences.
So, back to Atonement. I am trying with an air of success, that I will in the near future reach higher-highs instead of lower-lows; and the "lows" have definitely been lows, and with plenty of consequences following those mistakes. But, I truly believe, that I am not where I am currently without coincidence. I am at the EXACT point, where my God wants me to be. With respect to relationships, finances, wealth or NOT, in my case, things; which are really not important in this world, and my career. Even today's verse for reflection courtesy of the greatly influential pastor, Joel Osteen reads, "The earth was formless and empty...and God said, 'Let there be light." His daily devotional always seems to be "on point" with respect to some area of my life, good, bad or indifferent, that cause me to pause with hesitation toward trying to do TOO MUCH on my OWN, without God.
My prayer for today, is for a restoration of a relationship; that I nearly end, to be restored, and to eclipse to an in-explainable faith that cannot be imagined, or even seem to be obtainable. I hope that today's writing on encouragement will be just that, an encouraging messages to others. May we all be blessed, beyond imagination, at some point today, or in something; even some little small detail, which may seem to be indifferent to our growth as people, awaken us all to the fact that there is a vast opportunity for personal growth each day, as people, and certainly as believers in the awesome God that we have.
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