Rejection: Part 3

How often do we reject God's goodness?

This question, in itself, is a tough one to answer. Many times without necessarily knowing it, I personally, have rejected God's goodness. I have missed opportunities that I feel certain were right in front of me, had I sought his wisdom, prayed for discernment; prior to making important, key decisions.

However, the truth of the matter remains - everything happens for a reason. The word coincidence should not even be in the vocabulary of a strong Christian.

So what do we do instead? While the answer to the question is simple in nature, it is not uncommon to make the mistake in letting God "take the lead," in even the most seemingly insignificant and small decisions daily.

What follows, is that we should pray fervently. The decisions may be inconsequential, so we think; or life-altering. All decisions are not either great or small, at the complete opposite ends of the spectrum. Plenty are in the middle. Even more disturbing are the ones that "hang in the balance" as we look for time to decipher and decide.

I am currently facing some of those "in the middle" questions with respect to relationships. There is a quote that says, " The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." - Maya Angelou

But it is not so easy in practice. Knowing the importance of these relationships to me personally; I want to immediately repair them, or immediately dispose of them. I have, in the process, come to the realization that it may be a short process, with respect to time; and in other cases, much longer. Only time, and my effort, will tell.

In an attempt to "put my first foot forward," I sought the counsel and wisdom of a strong, Christian advisor.  His advice was not revolutionary in nature, but it hit me like a "ton of bricks," upon receiving the answer to my question. I felt a desperate need to repair these relationships, but I was unsure of where to start.

He suggested that I start small. Ask trivial, but open-ended questions. What's new? How has the weather been this winter? The second question works only because I am now in an entirely different climate from where I grew up, so it is not one that does not make sense.

I tried this simple method within minutes of hanging up the phone. I called a family member, and I was surprised at the response on the other end. On another attempt, I was met with no answer to my outreach, by phone and email. I am finally going to try a letter, as his birthday is soon to come.
I cannot control how my attempts at repair will be met. Will it produce enthusiasm, something positive, or the exact opposite? The only action I can control is my own.

I used to take a friend to NA meetings, several times, on a weekly basis. Two, actually. I found that there was something I could take away from each meeting. One example is that which one of my friend that I would take says, "Wherever I go, I've got to take me with me." There have been examples from the group that have also been enlightening. In one instance, an African American spoke up in almost an angry and very bold nature. She stated, with many expletives before, in between and after (paraphrasing), "You all are NOT my friends, you are my LIFELINE. We ain't goin' to dinner, we ain't gonna hang out, nothing of the sort. "Expletive all ya'll, you are my lifeline, not my friends."

This provides an appropriate and important example with respect to rejection. Some we may hold in high-regard, some close, some at an "arms-length" and some we must choose to let go. The important part comes in the analysis of the relationship, which is not always an easy task. This is where I would suggest that you pray for wisdom and discernment, seek guidance and wait for the answer. It can't always be as easy as the aforementioned quote by Maya Angelou, but yet sometimes it is. Unfortunately, as humans with flaws and patterns, the past is at times the greatest indicator of the future.

For some, that last sentence will immediately make sense; and for some, like myself, we are prone to giving people multiple chances to improve upon their past. I can't say that either approach is right or wrong; and it differs by relationship and situation, but sometimes we are the worst judge of our own character and past decision making in forming our own perspective. This is where we should enlist the wisdom of others, and especially the wisdom found in passages upon passages in the Bible; not only found in Paul's writings.

Start with the idea that you only have control over your actions. I can control the outbound calls to family members. The reception on the other end, however, is not something I can control.

In starting small with the questions that we ask or present to others, it is absolutely critical to be genuine. It should also not be invasive, at least not when your goal is to rebuild. Doing so right away, may cause "walls" to be put up, and that is the exact barrier, or the opposite in the obstacle that is the process that it takes to reform strong bonds.

Step two is equally as simple. Start small, and then take small steps. Ask leading questions that can prove to be representative of the relationship desired. Think about it this way...entirely different is the relationship with your mother, as opposed to a close friend or first cousin. All require different levels of attention, based on the outcome desired; but in the long-run, it is your dedication to, and your desire thereof that will prove to be worth the effort.

The harsh reality, is that continued rejection is a distinct possibility. You have to be cognizant and recognize that fact "going in."

Winning battles will not always win the war!